If you could never be intimidated again, how would you be?
How would your life look if you could go back to that 6-8 month baby state of joy and acceptance of self? Imagine a baby of this age sitting in front of you, cooing, gurgling, happy in the knowledge it is perfect, lovable, connected to spirit, accepting of all of its emotions and allowing them to flow naturally through its body, moving easily from sleep to joy to hunger to frustration to rage to sadness to joy to happy to tired to sleep? It has not yet decided, based on parental reactions, to categorise emotions into ‘good’ ones and ‘bad’ ones.
It just is. And, in this glorious state of self-love and self-acceptance, our energy is relaxed and we are instantly magnetic. Take a look at any woman who has ever struggled to become pregnant and you will see a mass of tight, anxious energy all bunched up inside of them like an accordion. When we are tight, we are not magnetic. When our energy is bunched up like an accordion of worry or depression or anger within, we cease to be fertile – on all of its levels, from health to wealth.
Depression could be considered in many cases ‘anger turned inwards’. Sometimes, if our childhood definition of ‘anger = violence’ based on what we saw and how anger was handled within the home, we will often choose a definition of safetythat demands we keep our turmoil inside rather than let it out and risk disapproval, rejection or backlash.
Consider how much harm it is doing inside of you now. At the cost of not wanting to hurt someone else, you are hurting yourself – many diseases are said to be attributed to this disease of unexpressed anger on a metaphysical level – gallstones, kidney stones, sluggish bowel, even, some, say cancer – are said to origin from the holding in of resentment, bitterness, grudges and self-loathing.
It is believed by many healing practitioners that many physical blocks are caused by emotional imbalances. Some, like Alex Orbito, a Filipino ‘psychic surgeon’ thought that it that it took about 7 years before a repetitious ‘negative’ thought manifested into a physical condition. I tend to think it’s even faster in many sensitive people – about 18months to 2 years following an energetic trauma.
So, what if you could return to that baby state of awareness? The good news is that it’s still inside you, albeit buried deep. You can retrieve it. The Dalai Lama (who still has anger issues from time to time!) believes that the more childlike we become, the wiser we are – and if you consider the calming energy of a baby, you’ll know this is true. Accordimng to some sources, he also used to have a mini-trampoline in his office, his reasoning being that it’s hard to be depressed and jump at the same time!
Humour sheds heaviness every time. Self-love clears it for good.
Consider this annoying thought: ‘My anger means I am judging or trying to control.’
Notice if you have already gone into the ‘options file’ in your logical mind and are arguing this point – “not always, there are some justifiable reasons why…” – then surrender again to the possible truth of the above thought.
My anger means I am judging or trying to control.
We are so used to wanting others to like us – the need for others’ approval is similar to crack cocaine – so easy to become dependent on it. We want others to approve of us, be like us, act like us, choose like us, communicate like us, drive like us and like the things we like – we have ceased to consider the utter absurdity of this controlling idea. Indeed, it is arrogance. While we desire and demand our own individuality, at times we fail to recognise this need in others.
There is a saying that if your enemy hits you on one cheek, turn and show your other one. Come from a state of love, not defensiveness. If you do not fight, there will be no war. Overpower with love. A daily example of this is when your partner gets angry at you. You can choose to resist or accept his or her anger.
If you resist it by not hearing it, your partner get angrier and you both become enmeshed in a web of fury. If you decide to hear your partner’s anger, you are providing a space for him or her to vent angry words, and the anger, given this space, will deplete. Peace will be restored, provided you have looked after yourself and kept yourself centered throughout this process. It gets easier with practice!
One wise teacher of mine made a profound statement when he suggested that we begin to imagine the emotion of anger as a warm wind that can blows from us or towards us at times. Our usual way to deal with it, is to grab, personalise it, put a name to it and make the wind into a wall between our hearts and others. It’s so much more enjoyable to blame someone else, let’s face it!
So what if we chose to try out a new thought about it – and see it as pure, impersonalised energy instead, that all we have to do with it is recognise it for what it is – energy – and acknowledge it and let it go past us. Perhaps if we were to trust that we could do this, change our definition of it, it could help us listen to someone else’s energy rather than take it on and make it bad.
Go on, give it a go.
And keep remembering that we are all with our partners to heal original wounds. What triggers us now is all about old triggers, old events and old ways our emotions were handled when we were in childhood. So know that it’s not you, your partner may be angry at, it’s probably his mother or father.
What to do next:
1. Consider how your parents or role models ‘did’ anger? Did they let it out in harmful ways, hold it inside and seep it out with occasional snide or poisonous remarks, take responsibility for it and own what they were feeling then let it go?
2. How did your parents ‘do’ passion? If passion and anger are two sides of the same coin, the expression of anger feeds our passionate side. Were they connected to their creativity, passion or a yearning for learning? Or were they on automatic, going through life in serious adult mode rather than joyous, inspired childlike wisdom?
3. Research Thought Field Therapy (TFT) or Emotional Freedom Technique – both are quick and easy to learn and both are meridian-based tools (like acupuncture) that you can do yourself in about 90 seconds whenever you are feeling intense about anything. Top sports people use these tools to erase tension just before a game. Have a look at the case studies on websites, find out more about it and either learn one-to-one with someone or learn it yourself. You can download the manual about EFT and how to do it for free on www.emofree.com
4. Learn new ways to speak your truth and anger in a way that harms no-one, including yourself. Find out about Healing anger, angerwork or other workshops in your area. Read up on the contents to ensure that you are also going to be learning how to express on a body level, as well as a logical one, such as in the course I regularly run.
5. Be gentle with yourself. Do some inner child work. The first step to balance is to treat yourself as the most important person in our life. It’s time for a change and you are ready to do this. Get a diary, join a group, talk about your feelings, practice honouring them as they come up instead of the old, useless ways of pushing them down using drink, work, other people’s problems, busyness, food, gambling, drugs, prescription pills – just take a time out and honour them, just like you used to when you were tiny. Underneath anger is grief, and underneath grief is anger – explore both and know that in order to be alive rather than existing, you need these two precious emotions to tap into your joy